Adventures in CableCARD Activation – Day 1
Ok, so the whole premise of this was to build an HTPC, which is done, and get Blu-Ray playback working (which it is, thanks to ArcSoft Total Media Theatre 5) and order a new HDHomeRun Prime 3CC. The first 75% of this little project has gone smoothly and everything works so far. I'll get more in depth with that in a later post. Now comes the CableCARD activation. My provider is Cox Communications. Below is an outline of what I've done so far.
- Called 402-933-3000, got the CableCARD activated initially, there was a problem with the channel list that I figured out later, but the first tech I talked to attempted to re-pair the CableCARD to the device and that ended up making it so the HDHR Prime couldn't activate at all
- Waited around a bit for 30-45 minutes, still wasn't activated, called 402-933-3000 again. Got the card activated again to where the HDHR Prime said it was activated and left it there. I said I couldn't get any channels and she basically said that CableCARDs were a finicky beast (which I believe) and set up an on-site tech visit for tomorrow between 5pm and 7pm. Okay, I'll go with it.
- The CableCARD was now activated. However, I couldn't get any channels in Windows Media Center besides the unencrypted local channels. I would get a "Subscription required" error in Windows Media Center if I tried to tune them. At this point, I figured I'd talk to some of the folks at the HDHR IRC channel on Freenode.
- iamlindoro told me to take a screenshot of the tuner when Windows Media Center attempted to tune it. So i did. He said I was getting a strong signal but the channels had not been provisioned correctly.
- So now I called the number that was on a CableCARD Self-Install datasheet which was 1-877-820-8202. I told him that I had the card activated but was not getting any of the channels and asked him to look at the channels that were provisioned to the card. He said they looked fine, I said I'd talk to SiliconDust support again. He tried some more things and basically got to the point where he didn't know what else to do and reinforced the recommendation for a truck roll. He also said that he'd added some notes to the work order so that the on-site tech knew what had already been tried.
- At this point, I'm a little annoyed so I go back to the HDHomeRun IRC channel. iamlindoro gave me yet another number to call, 888-556-1193. I told the tech basically the same thing that I'd told the last tech and he looked into the packages that I was subscribed to and what not. This tech ultimately came to the conclusion that everything looked fine from his standpoint and that there wasn't much more that he could do. I mentioned that I had a work order scheduled and he said to call them back if that wasn't successful.
Somehow I have a feeling engrained in my being that this on-site tech visit is going to be futile.
Okay, so Disaster Movie was bad.
With that obvious statement out of the way, let's look at why. Yes, there are movies out there that put aside the more artistic aspects of film-making for the purpose of making money. But Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg take it to a whole new level.
The first point I'd like to make is the delivery method of the jokes. In most good parodies, jokes are delivered in one-liners and they can either be good or bad. If they're bad, the joke is forgotten immediately and the movie continues to progress without looking backwards. This is the format that has been successful in many of the movies that David Zucker has directed such as Airplane!, BASEketball, and the latter two Scary Movie ... movies. Where Seltzerberg movies fall flat on their ass is they have these downright awful jokes that they spend 5 to 10 minutes dragging out every time. They dwell on the jokes for so long that it just makes it unbelievably difficult to watch. Like, a whole new level of uncomfortable that I don't think any other movie has been able to accomplish. One of the many examples of this is a 5 minute Alvin and the Chipmunks..."parody" that can be seen here, if you dare. The entire 88 minutes of the movie were comprised of downright insulting scenes such as that.
The second fundamental problem with Seltzerberg movies is that there is absolutely no comprehensible context to any of the "jokes" in this movie. It's just an endless string of pop culture references. Yes, references. References and jokes are two completely different beasts. They are not interchangeable. Yet Disaster movie seems to think they are. References are fine when they aren't the sole basis of your humor, but that is not the case here. The "plot" of the movie is about as thin as the average Lady Gaga costume and stolen shot by shot from the movie Cloverfield. It's as if the movie was completely devoid of a writing process. It likely went something like this:
- Look on IMDB and see what movies are popular
- Read plot synopsis
- Look up quotes for said movies on Google
- Dress up in stupid costumes
- Start filming
- ???
- Profit!
That list is the segue into my next point, the audience that this movie is gaining the attention of. The things that aren't being outright stolen from other movies are just completely juvenile. The target audience for this movie are people that have not yet developed that filter that allows the distinction of quality. The pop culture references allow the audience to be able to sit through the movie by saying "Hey, I know what that references, that's hilarious!". That means that it allows the Seltzerberg duo to make these movies on the cheap and make more than 4 times the budget back. That's just evil. Fart jokes, piss jokes, poop jokes, it's got them all and they keep hitting one after another. Then there's the elephant in the room, the ending song to Disaster Movie. This thing just speaks for itself.
Now, you could argue that this duo had a hand in creating the Scary Movie franchise. But there are a few vital differences between this and Scary Movie. In Scary Movie, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg were only co-writers. While the director is not the best example of top notch quality, neither of the Seltzerberg duo had the reigns in that area either. What that allowed was a process of filtering out the terrible things that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are clearly capable of. When they independently wrote and directed their own movies, that filter was all but gone. What we got was the pure, unadulterated, psyche of the Seltzerberg duo. Movies such as Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Vampires Suck are the dire results of that.
One last thing: This movie made $80 million in the box office. $80 million. People argue that studios like The Asylum or the TV movies that Syfy airs on a regular basis are the problems with the entertainment industry. Oh how wrong they are. It's movies like this that feed on the minds of a younger audience to fuel their outright stupidity which continues on a rampage to this day.
Nerd Review #25: Sucker Punch
To give a little background on this movie. It was directed by Zach Snyder and Steve Shibuya. Now, now. Don't storm off just yet. Zach Snyder is capable of directing a good action flick. This just happens to be the only good one thus far. This film comes in the wake of psychological thrillers like Shutter Island and Inception. This movie seems to be a more nerdgasmic take on it. A girl's sole biological parent dies and her and her sister are left to inherit all of their parent's assets. The stepfather is infuriated by this. He kills our lead's little sister, and the older sister is enraged and goes to shoot the stepfather, but doesn't. The stepfather then (falsely) has her institutionalized so he can have the inheritance all to himself. She then has to figure out a way to escape because she believes that she really isn't crazy. And that's what kicks off the movie.
Ok, now the review. This movie is great. No, really. The action scenes are fast-paced and very well coreographed. The writing is no Citizen Kane, but it is good for this kind of movie. The characters are well fleshed out, none of them seem really underdeveloped. The music is great. It fits each scene perfectly. It doesn't yank you out of the action unnecessarily . The CG is stunning, never cheap. The plot has a few holes in it, but they aren't a deal-breaker. This is one of those summer(ish) blockbusters that manages to stand out in the crowd. I really don't know why people were so mad at Zach Snyder for this movie. I guess people believed the hype that they were fed about it. Big mistake. Never believe the hype. Then again, that's a lot of speculation on my part. I'll give you an example of the target audience of this movie to wrap it up.
These guys.
Nerd Review #24: Duke Nukem Forever
I saved CoreDuo the trouble of actually playing this game by playing it myself. Now, this is a review of the single player campaign (on PC, Xbox 360 is another story >_<) only. From what I've heard though, the multiplayer isn't much better. With that out of the way, on to the actual review. This game was...okay. I think it suffers from a bit of what I call "Waterworld Syndrome". That is, expectations are high, but the final product is middling at best. Okay, this is a Duke Nukem game, so I don't expect an engaging narrative. Therefore, the action and gameplay must make up for that. Too bad this only delivers on the most minimal level. The action is predictable, and the gameplay is only par. Now for the nitpicking. Let's make a list.
1. Ok, two weapons at once is fine. But do we really have to make it so you are "pushed" to only use certain weapons in certain situations? I can't use my shotgun to take down a boss because the game won't let me use anything short of a rocket launcher?!? Screw that.
2. On the weapons front still, why do I have to drop Duke's CUSTOM M1911? The coolest looking gun in the game, and you make me drop it?!?
3. The environments. Generic facility to generic alien caves to generic alien overrun buildings. At least it's not 12 shades of brown and BLOOOM!!!
4. First-person platforming. No.
5. Effectively shutting out the modding community? Not if you want your game to have more replay value.
6. Underwater levels. Sometimes it works...this time it doesn't. I hate fighting bosses underwater.
7. The bosses weren't all that difficult, just really annoying at times.
That said, the only award I could feel myself giving to this game is Longest Ending Credits. I kid you not, 15min. So, most of my complaints were about the integral gameplay and not the plot (or lack thereof). I think that's an accomplishment for me.
Nerd Review #23: Watership Down
This is a movie based on a book of the same name by Richard Adams. I really haven't read the book myself, but this movie is a small departure from the plot. Not that it's a bad thing. However, book movies and their relationship with the original work is an argument for another day. That said, this is a great movie. The animation is great. I love the hand-drawn, storybook-like style of animation. The plot is pretty good. It gets rolling right away. Which is fair, it's only 90min in length. They impart a belief system in the rabbits, but they don't beat you over the head with it. It's refreshing. The battles are short and bloody, but what do you expect? The characters are numerous, but well-developed. Okay, laziness kicking in. This movie is great, I loved it. You should watch it. Even let your kids watch it. Seriously. It's just that good.
Duke Nukem Forever: A Retrospect
Yes, I'm going to touch on this subject again. Really this isn't going to be my own review. What it is going to be is a summary of the reviews that are beginning to creep out now that the gaming press has been given the go-ahead to do so. There's the big question that I'm sure everyone is asking: Should have old intellectual property stayed old intellectual property? This day and age it's very easy to make a dozen mediocre shooters based on old intellectual property because it's so much cheaper to do that than either come up with a spectacular game based on old intellectual property or run the financial risk of creating a new game based on new intellectual property that might not be successful in the long run. With the monumental budgets that publishers put behind these games, it's just not as viable all the time.
Enough with the evils of the game industry and more specifics on what's actually wrong with Duke Nukem Forever. The first and most important thing to understand is that the idea of a Duke Nukem 3D sequel has been around since 1997. It went through two different companies, two different sets of writers, two different sets of game developers before finally falling into the hands of Gearbox Software and 2K Games. Some of the complaints of the game include the fact that it's an old style shooter re-skinned with a somewhat modern graphics engine. In the age of cinematic-type first person shooters, this just doesn't work. Not only is the game type dated, the jokes and the writing are also dated. The days of the objectification of women are gone and the steps taken to personify this in the game just leave you shaking your head in shame. The weapons system has to have by far the most number of complaints. It's an extremely linear system and it encourages you to use the weapons given to you for the environment of the level. You can only be carrying two weapons at a time. You even have to drop the M1911, Duke Nukem's own customized pistol. How lame is that? The next thing is the graphics engine itself. It seems as though over the course of time the graphics were slowly polished just enough to get it to a certain level of detail to look decent at modern game console and PC resolutions. Because of this, there are times where the graphics just fall to bits. Now don't get me wrong, if the gameplay was at least halfway decent, most would have been able to look over the rough state of the graphics engine and the "12 shades of brown" color palette.
So what could have made this game better? I think 2K should have tried to keep this game quiet instead of announcing it at the Penny Arcade Expo last year. This creates a deadlock on what kind of deadline people expect of you, something 3D Realms struggled with in the past. From there, it went downhill. This is a bit of speculation here, but being Duke Nukem Forever, I have the feeling that they already had the source material. This might have lead them to be a little bit cocky and use already written material instead of scrapping all of that and writing something new. It's been proven in the past that Gearbox Software and 2K games are not incapable of doing this. This does pose a little bit of a financial risk, but it could have meant more sales in the long run. Furthermore, they most likely already had a working engine developed in 3D Realms days that was polished for "HD" graphics and ported to modern consoles such as the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 by Gearbox. This lead to the entire development being a largely lazy process because of using pre-made material.
What this all boils down to is one simple concept. 2K Games should not have tried to capitalize on vaporware. This alone could have saved a lot of headaches in the long run. If they had spent 2, 3, maybe even 4 years actually developing this game properly behind closed doors instead of dramatizing its production, we'd have ended up with a lot better game. It's not like after 12 years people are still going to expect the game to come out. It's one of the many missed opportunities that 2K had when dealing with Duke Nukem Forever. The sequel that Duke Nukem Forever really should have been goes by the name of Bulletstorm, released by Epic Games earlier this year.
*ahem* Fallout 3?
Nerd Review #22: Panty and Stocking (With Garterbelt)
There's really not too much to say about this series. Well, maybe a little bit. This show was specifically created so that Gainax could make fun of American "anime". It does that by being vulgar, irreverent, and hilarious. The in-jokes are great, too. Most of them have to do with the title cards. I think this show was created by this company for Americans with a good sense of humor. That said, this show is very well produced. The cast is great, the lines are hilarious, and the writing is top-notch. The animation is amazing, too. It follows a sort of Powerpuff Girls-style method. I suppose that's on purpose. In conclusion, watch this show. Seriously. You won't be disappointed.
Nerd Review #21: Wolverine and the X-Men
Well, this is the latest X-Men cartoon. Also the latest in a long line of promising shows killed by investors. That's an argument for another day, however. This show feels like the old Nick show Rugrats: All Growed Up. Except without all the bad ideas and terrible writing. No, seriously. It appears like this series continues immediately after X-Men: Evolution. Which is refreshing. It's nice to see a cartoon series follow it's audience. That said, the plots are better in this series in Evolution. We had a sort of callback to the Phoenix Saga. Also, it was interesting to see Wolverine cope with being a leader when he had never been considered "leader material" even by his own standards. That sort of internal conflict gives depth to a character. Now that I've established that the writing is good, onto the animation. Far better than Evolution, but never really captured the ripped-from-a-comic-book feel that TAS did. I guess that gives it its own unique style. The only thing that really got on my nerves is the series finale. It breaks the cardinal rule of series finales. Do. Not. End. On. A. CLIFFHANGER. That pissed me off to no end. It's one thing to get screwed by your investors, but to give your fans the finger right at the end? That's just messed up. Anyway, the series is still worth a watch, even with the BS ending.
Thus ends the saga of the X-Men cartoons. I think these should all be watched, if only once. They're fairly true to the comics, and they're not a chore to watch. Well, onto other...stuff. Dunno what I'm gonna review next. We'll see what happens.
Nerd Review #20: X-Men: Evolution
To start off, this was a pretty good series. Nowhere near what the X-Men Animated Series was, but still worth watching. This series was designed for a younger generation in particular, unlike the series before it, which had a more widespread appeal. In Evolution, the characters themselves are much younger, and the bulk of the series centers around a high school. Not that this is a bad thing. It just makes the series more specifically targeted. Now, high school still being fresh in my memory skews my perception just a little bit. Maybe if a more curmudgeonly person reviewed this, they would have seen it totally differently. Anyway, the characters are satisfyingly well fleshed-out enough at the end of the series to not be frustrating, but still retain some mystery about them. The animation is pretty good. There were some weird quirks with the CGI, but other than that, pretty good. The intro was...okay. Not like TAS by a long shot, but not terrible. The story arcs were pretty good, as well. Though nothing can compare to the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix sagas. All in all, it's worth a watch. If you like it, fine. If not, you really won't regret it.
Nerd Review #19: X-Men: The Animated Series
First off, I didn't choose to review this series like I did Star Trek Voyager. The episodes are much shorter (~20min vs. 45min), and there are fewer seasons (5 vs. 7). X-Men is still a very good show, despite being shorter. The main characters are fleshed out quite well over the course of the series. The parts that I liked the most was the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix sagas. This was a show written for kids, but has enough depth to keep adults interested. I know, because my 12-year-old sister loves it, as do I. There are a few downsides, however. This was the early/mid 90's after all. The animation could be better, and plot holes ahoy. The one that was a real thorn in my side (if you haven't watched this, these are mild Season 5 spoilers. so, um...SPOILER ALERT.) was when Jean Grey was presumed dead (out of nowhere). That's only half of it, though. About six episodes later, hey! She's back! And no one blinks an eye. Anyway, if you are looking for a Saturday cartoon that's a fun watch, go for it. Just don't try to over-think the plot, or you'll ruin the Saturday Morning goodness.